Just feeling a little confused...

I am going to blog how I have been feeling all last week, but due to the severity of it all I won't be able to go into full blown details. I don't know of many that actually read my blog so I am not sure it will even matter. My BFF does, but she already knows all the details, so I guess I just need to write this post for me.
Last weekend the neighboring town had a crime happen that doesn't happen much around here and it happened to the niece of a friend of mine on FB. How it came about that I know that information is that last Monday night, Cooper--our English Mastiff--was barking his head off outside. I turned the outside lights on and he didn't stop so I went out the front door and around to the west side of our house thinking maybe a raccoon or other wild animal was in our alley bothering him so I wanted to run it off so that Coop didn't disturb our neighbors. It was almost midnight. Once I got to the alley from the road, Cooper became very aggressive with his barking and he's never like that. I couldn't see what was going on because of the street lights on my end, but I had an eerie feeling that I needed to go back into the house. As I was walking back, I got to the corner of our house and saw two men, one is a teenager I am now told, and one I have never seen around town before, they were coming up my driveway, exiting my property. Due to where we are located and the way the lots are around here, they must've been up to no good. I don't know if they were trying to do something to Cooper or if they were attempting to break into our garage or what. Cooper's aggressiveness when I went out must've scared them off, but then they met up with me. (Thank you Cooper for protecting momma). As they approached me, the one I have seen around here before sped up and didn't say a word. The bigger guy stared me down, even turning to win the stare down without any words once he had passed me. The only things running through my mind at that time were, 1. Stand tall. Stand Firm. Don't show him you are scared and 2. I am going to get beat up right now! LOL! I can laugh about that now, but I was dead serious then. I was out there in my pj's, slippers, unarmed, and without a phone. I wasn't sure how I would handle myself. I was terrified to say the least.

I wasn't going to post what happened on Facebook until I decided I should so that others in my town could be on the lookout in case things started coming up missing again. Almost immediately the aunt of the girl that was assaulted private messaged me and told me to please be careful and why. She's been on my friend's list a long time and other than a few "likes" between the two of us here and there, we've not had much interaction. Until that night. I told her I was sorry for what happened to her niece and that I would pray they catch the guy and so on and so on.

The next day, the media outlets posted the police sketch of the guy. A couple things happened that lead me to an investigation of my own and I thought for sure that I had actually found the guy that did this. I was so sure about myself that I even turned all of my information and how I had come to that conclusion over to a police detective.
I was nervous and scared and humbled that with everything that happened and with everything that lead up to what I had found that God himself had used me to catch this criminal. That in itself scared me to pieces. Not really scared me, but really honestly brought me closer to God. I honestly thought, wow, I AM somebody! I AM doing exactly what I asked him to do just two days prior in Sunday School at church. Just those two days prior, I prayed the prayer for God to use me. I didn't just pray it, I meant it and use me is what I thought he was absolutely doing. It was an amazing feeling. It was so humbling...or so I thought...

To make a very long and detailed story short, it wasn't the guy. I will tell you this though--the guy that I found was a dead ringer for that police sketch. It made me sick to my stomach and made the victim literally vomit because she too thought I was correct.
Once I realized I was wrong, I, 1. Got brought back down to my level--because I was pretty proud of myself--which in itself is probably the #1 reason it turned out to not be and 2. I realized I was back to just being a nobody. God wasn't using me at all. As a matter of fact, it was more than likely just the devil himself helping to make a butt out of myself. Talk about a truth to knock the wind right out of your sails!

I thought to myself, Why? Why in the world would I put myself out there like that? I should've just kept my mouth shut and not been so dang nosey. I have no business being in that business that doesn't pertain to me at all. That's what I get I guess.

So, this last week was tough. I have been very hard on myself. I keep trying to take the advice from my BFF, but I think it's just simply feelings that will have to pass with time. And they will--God won't let them not. :)