So Long Insecurity

I know the picture above says to click for a look inside, but you won't find anything. I borrowed the picture from Amazon.com just to write this blog.

This book was suggested to me by a dear friend. She let me borrow it and I simply didn't have the time to read it, so after keeping it for quite some time--collecting dust on the desk--I returned it to her. Then, my other dear friend said, Jennifer--you need to read this book. I said, that's funny I borrowed it and never had the chance to read it and come to find out she had borrowed it from the original friend I had gotten it from. LOL!

Mom bought me a Kindle for Christmas and this book was the first book I purchased. I am not even half way done with this book and here I sit blogging about it.

When I was initially told about it, it was brought to my attention that at certain points in the book I would feel as if the author Beth Moore was speaking directly to me. Lord isn't that the truth! I learned about Beth Moore a while ago when the same dear friend that leant me the book hosted a Bible Study done by Beth Moore. That was the first Bible Study I had ever done and I LOVED it! Beth has a personality that is very fun and had our small group of women laughing out loud numerous times.

I have always felt like I have a terrific relationship with God. Wait, I say always, but really it's just been in the last 15-16 years that I have really become aware of God in a way that I should be aware of him and in a way that I feel I can open up to him. I don't consider myself a religious person. I certainly do not live my life up to the standards that I am sure God would expect one to live, but I am grateful for all the people and all the wonderful things in my life. I feel funny saying that I pray to God everyday because when one hears the word pray you often picture one down on bend and knee, hands folded together, head bowed by the bedside or sitting at a dinner table with hands holded together and heads bowed. I do not do that. instead, I lay in bed or I sit on the couch, or I sit in my car and I have full blown conversations in my head with God. Of course I don't hear him talk back directly, but if you could hear in my head you might think I am crazy chatting it up with God as if he were one of my girlfriends! I LOVE it!

I am going to be 100% honest about something and I hope that I am able to explain it in a way that you get without making myself sound like an idiot....Up until the last several years I have been really careful throwing the name God around. Not because I was afraid of what people would think of me, but because of how I felt about myself. I felt like because I don't live my life in a way that God wouldn't be 100% OK with that I am a hypocrite. (Not that I am a bad person, I just don't attend church on a regular basis and could always be a better person--can't we all?)Reading this book today I realized that I am not a hypocrite--I am human. I am human and God is forgiving. I have always known that God is forgiving and for that I am beyond thankful, but it hit me that I am far too hard on myself and if God is able to cut me some slack then I should be able to cut myself some slack as well.

I am not claiming to be this super religious person that crams God down the throats of everyone I meet, but I am proud of my relationship with God. I am proud that every single night I can chat it up with him about my day and give thanks and ask for protection for my family and friends. I am proud that I have God on my friend's list and feel comfortable enough to chat him up anytime I want to or need to. I also became aware that you don't have to find God the second you are born. Heck, there are people much older than me even that find God for the first time ever in their adult lives, but at least they do. At least I did!

In addition to learning that I am certainly NOT a hypocrite, I am learning that I am a VERY insecure person AND.....my insecurities must be pretty common--common enough to make it into a book written by a woman that one wouldn't really think would share the same insecurities. I am learning a lot. I am learning a lot about myself that I didn't think was possible. I have even found my eyes filling with tears for a moment while reading as I realize that Beth really hits close to home in certain areas. I am excited to finish the book and I am excited to find it in myself to let some of these insecurities go and be more forgiving of myself.

"By the grace of God, I am what I am" (1 Corinthians 15:10)

I am learning much, much more by reading this terrific book as well, but this is what I feel comfortable sharing at this point. I went into reading with the idea of reading with a completely open heart and open mind in hopes of learning somethings about myself--whether they be good or bad. I am learning that I really am not too bad of a person and I should try harder not to lose site of that fact. :) I also believe that this book is being read at the right time in my life--A time I didn't realize just how much I NEEDED to read it. Funny how God works--God is Good. :)

Until next blog my friends! Love, Jenn

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