It is no secret in the world that I LOVE GOD! I will shout it off the roof tops any day of the week--I LOVE GOD! Really, he's my BFF and we are pretty tight. You know how most people start prayer off by saying, Dear Heavenly Father? Not me, I am like HEY GOD! It's me
again! I mean really, it only makes sense--my BFF in person is named Jennifer and I call her Jenn. I don't call her Dear Earthly Friend. And when I pray I just chat it up with God as if he is sitting right next me...well, because he is you know.
My relationship with God really started taking shape and I really started understanding it all when I was around 17. I know, that's kinda late, but hey, better late than never right?!
When I was little I attended church and actually loved it. Around the age of 10 or 11 maybe we stopped going. I don't know why exactly, but we did. Sadly, being so young I don't really remember missing church. It wasn't until I had Bayleigh in November of 2004 that I really started missing church. When God gave me her, my relationship with him really went to a new level. That was when I really understood how GREAT GOD IS! Now mind you, Bayleigh will be 8 this coming November! We were what church goers call C&E's, Christmas and Easter's...you know, those are the two days when we'd go. I hated being labled that, but it is what it is and hey, at least we were going then. One of the local news anchors on TV actually posted something around Christmas time on his Facebook page about how he agreed with his preacher slamming the C&E's and I found it sad, but maybe wouldn't have thought anything about it if I hadn't taken the slam so personal really. Guilt gets me everytime.
This past Fall, a little girl's mom in Bayleigh's class invited Bayleigh to join them at church on Wednesday's. She wanted to go be with her friend and I was delighted. I've always wanted Bayleigh, our whole family really, but especially Bayleigh to grow up in a church, but being kinda backwards and awkward myself I just didn't make it a priority. Bayleigh going to church on Wednesday's turned into Bayleigh singing once a month on Sundays and that really opened the door to getting me going. I could not be happier. I LOVE it!
At first it was awkward. I wondered what the members would say. I worried about people whispering about who we are, what we are doing, where did we come from, do I look dumb in these stiff clothes...you know insecurities that are nothing more than in my head. As it turns out...it's not like that at all! It's wonderful to be honest with you. Attending church on the Sunday's Bayleigh sang turned into going every Sunday. Then in the middle of that, The same friend that invited Bayleigh initally has become a true friend in way of the word and that turned into her and her family picking Bayleigh up early so she could attend Sunday School and Then I came later to the church service. THEN, that turned in to me just taking Bayleigh myself and us attending Sunday school together, well not together, but at the same time. You get my point. We even get Larry to go with us when Bayleigh sings! (it's a start, more on that later). I think this is going to be a long blog...
Well, guess what?! This awkward lady right here had a very spiritual day a week ago Sunday on Palm Sunday and Bayleigh and I actually came forward during the invitation at the end of the church service and asked for membership and Bayleigh is going to be rebaptized!!! In the process of all of this my mom started joining me during the services and our relationship has grown so much. I love sitting next to her in church and enjoy her company greatly! Well, yesterday was Easter Sunday, April 8th, 2012, and SHE CAME FORWARD asking for membership AND baptizism for herself! YAY! I was, no I AM, SO PROUD OF HER!!! :)
I am SO INCREDIBLY THANKFUL to my FRIEND Jill for inviting us and encouraging these events that have now become a part of our lives. A part that I wanted, but didn't even realize how much I truly wanted until I got it. So Jill, if you find this blog...THANK YOU!
I used to think of every excuse, not even excuse really, but rather justification for not going. One big one was clothing. I don't show up looking like a slob or in my PJ's, which some people do do, but it is ok to show in jeans and being comfortable and not in stiff business attire. Let's face it, God doesn't care what you wear...he just wants you to hear his word. Hey, that would be a great slogan...it's not about the wear, it's about the word! :) Another excuse being the people. I am kind of a backwards (awkward) person, and I just want to do things quietly and in the background, hence part of the delay coming forward and asking for membership, but I have found that the people are VERY KIND! They are welcoming and inviting and I really enjoy their company! Now, don't get me wrong...I am not striking up conversations with many, but I still return hello's and smiles and speak when I am spoken to for sure.
More on that Larry thing--I was finding myself getting very frustrated with Larry when coming and going to and from church because I wanted him to be with me. I wanted this to be a part of our lives as a family, but he's not into it. I know that Larry believes in God and he does go when Bayleigh sings and he participates in conversation here at home with Bayleigh and myself, but he still feels awkward going and I have to understand that I can't force it. I know that the more I push him towards it the more I will actually push him away and I don't want that for sure. I've been thinking about it and I've been with Larry since I was 15 and I am 30 now. It took me 30 years to really get into church so who am I to judge. WAIT, I am not judging I just am WANTING! I am wanting him to become a member of the church with us as a family. Who am I to get mad when for all of these years church wasn't a part of our lives? It doesn't change who Larry is or isn't honestly. Yes, I feel it has made me a better person and I feel a change in myself and I know it has helped mine and mom's relationship for sure, but it doesn't change my love for Larry. He is just a quiet, to himself kinda guy and as long as he believes in God, then he can have his relationship with God to himself, just as I have for all of these years. He is a SUPER DUPER AWESOME HUSBAND AND FATHER and that is what I need for my marriage. Later, maybe Larry will decide on his own accord to join Bayleigh and I in church, but as of now--no pressure from me for sure. :)
I know in bible study the pastor mentioned those like us that think it's ok to not attend church and still get into heaven and how that is not how it works, but to be honest...before I didn't attend church--my relationship with God was VERY CLOSE. Granted we are closer now, but I don't discredit my relationship with God that I had prior to attending. I also believe that had I not started going to church that I still would have gotten into heaven. I might be wrong about that, but I started going to church so we will never know. LOL! I am actually serious about that though, God and I are the ONLY ones that know exactly how close we were and are, so I really do believe he would have welcomed me with a big ole' hug and fist bump and been like HEY GIRL! (because that's how we talk to each other, remember)!!! LOL!
Ok, so in conclusion...church is NOT awkward, but rather WONDERFUL and any insecurities that you might have are yours, they are in your head just like they were in my head. Don't hesitate to go and if you would like to join me at my super wonderful awesome church...please, please do! It might take you a few weeks to be comfortable like it did for me, but trust me...it's not because of the church it's just your self doubt like me. :)
No comments:
Post a Comment